Writing a Behaviour Agreement for Youth Group

Why a Behaviour Agreement Helps

When a youth group session goes badly, it is usually because a small number of members are disrupting things for everyone else. The leader spends the whole time managing behaviour instead of running activities, and the rest of the group loses out. A behaviour agreement will not fix everything overnight, but it gives you something concrete to point to when things go wrong, and it sets a clear standard that everyone has signed up to.

The key is getting the young people involved in writing it. An agreement that feels imposed from above is much easier to ignore than one the group helped create. If they have contributed to the rules, they are more likely to take them seriously.

How to Put One Together

Start by explaining to the group why you want a behaviour agreement. Keep it simple: the group works best when everyone feels safe, included and able to enjoy the activities. A set of agreed rules makes that more likely.

Ask the group to suggest rules themselves. You can prompt them by asking what annoys them when other people do it, or what makes a session feel unfair. Common things that come up include people interrupting, not taking turns, being rough during games, or making fun of others. Write their suggestions on a large sheet of paper so everyone can see them.

You will probably need to shape the final list. Young people tend to come up with a long list of very specific rules. Aim for something shorter and broader that covers the main points without being overwhelming. Eight to ten rules is usually about right. You can group similar ideas together and rephrase them in a way that is positive rather than just a list of "don'ts".

If any members have additional needs or disabilities, think about how the agreement accounts for that. The rules should be achievable for everyone in the group, and the process of creating them should be accessible too.

Once the group is happy with the rules, type them up and hand out copies at the next session for everyone to sign. Keep a signed copy on display at every meeting.

Youth Group Game Finder

Match games to your specific group needs by filtering across age, group size, space, and activity type.

Try our Youth Group Game Finder free, here on this site →

What to Include

Every group is different, but a typical behaviour agreement might cover the following:

• Treat everyone with respect regardless of their background, beliefs or abilities
• Listen when someone else is speaking and do not interrupt
• Take turns fairly and do not push in or argue over teams
• Try your best in activities, even ones you have not done before
• You can say no to an activity, but give it a chance first
• Do not damage equipment or other people's belongings
• Arrive on time so the group can start together
• Speak kindly, the way you would want to be spoken to
• Keep your hands and feet to yourself

Using positive language like "we will" instead of "do not" is often more effective with younger groups. For older teenagers, a more straightforward tone usually goes down better.

Serious Behaviour

Alongside the general agreement, it is worth having a separate section covering behaviour that is never acceptable. Some groups call this a zero tolerance policy, though in practice any response should take the circumstances and the individual into account. The point is that certain things result in immediate consequences regardless of previous behaviour. This would typically include:

• Violence or threatening behaviour
• Bullying, including online bullying
• Discrimination or harassment of any kind
• Bringing alcohol, drugs or weapons to the group

Clearly communicate what happens if someone crosses these lines. Depending on the severity, it might mean being sent home immediately, a suspension, or being asked to leave the group permanently. Parents or guardians should be informed whenever something in this category occurs. If there is a safeguarding concern, follow your organisation's safeguarding procedures and contact the relevant authorities if necessary.

Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.

What Happens When Rules Are Broken

The agreement is most effective when there are clear consequences for breaking it. A simple staged approach works well for the general rules:

• First time: a quiet word with the young person to remind them of the agreement
• Second time: a formal warning and a note made on the register
• Third time: the young person sits out the rest of the session and parents or guardians are contacted
• Ongoing issues: a meeting with parents or guardians to discuss whether the group is right for them

Keep it proportionate. The aim is to correct behaviour, not to punish. Most young people respond well once they realise the rules are actually enforced consistently. Problems tend to escalate when rules exist on paper but are not followed through in practice.

Getting Parents Involved

It is worth sending a copy of the agreement home so parents and guardians know what is expected. Some groups ask parents to countersign the agreement alongside their child. This is not about getting parents to police their children's behaviour at youth group, but it does mean they are aware of the standards and the consequences, and they are less likely to be surprised if an issue comes up later.

It is also a good idea to review the agreement every so often, perhaps at the start of each term or when new members join. Rules that made sense six months ago may need updating as the group changes, and revisiting the agreement gives everyone a chance to recommit to it.

The Next Step

Now that you have read through the advice above, you might want to put it into practice. Our Youth Group Game Finder lets you match games to your specific group needs by filtering across age, group size, space, and activity type. Try it now →